You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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