I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.