I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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