i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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