Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
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Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
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He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
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