my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Is it because I queefed?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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