I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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