I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
