she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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