3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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