the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
