then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
