I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
