You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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