I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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