the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
