I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
True but thats because hes a fetus.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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