I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
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just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
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i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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