I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair