just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Who died my cat blue again?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
