lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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