the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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