You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."