as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.