3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
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Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
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Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag