i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
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chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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