Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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