This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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