WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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