I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
this will be a night to untag.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
