I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
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Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
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I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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