I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize