just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize