We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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