hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
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