I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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