i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
