ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
