I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
