my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
