So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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