I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
