I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
