I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize