Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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