i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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