the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
