The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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