she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER