and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"