jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My dick has a subreddit
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it