If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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