I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
