Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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