Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my sisters under your porch take her home
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize